


Winter, Snowflakes and You

by kuma166



Series: Four Season of Love [2]
Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-08 05:02:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11074587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuma166/pseuds/kuma166
Summary: Winter and snowflakes falling from the sky are two things that Seunghyun hates the most; it reminds him of a cold-hearted person who broke his heart. But, when he thinks that his frozen heart couldn't be melted, an angel come and ignites the fire of curiosity in his head. Will he chase that warmth he needs?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I edited some part and will be a little different with what I wrote in AFF :)

The drizzling white snow that evening made him crane up his head. He reached out his right hand just to catch some snowflakes. Then, he smiled weakly and brushed off the flakes from his hands. The cold made him rub his hands together, blowing some warm air to those hands. I observed him. He was effortlessly stunning with his winter coat, shawl, and jeans. Meanwhile, here I was, wearing a suit after a meeting. His brunette hair was on point and the snowflakes on his head made him look like a snow angel. Now, he’s taking something from his winter coat; a phone. Out of curiosity, I slowly came near him and stood behind him.

I didn’t know whether he was sad, confused, or annoyed, but one thing for sure, his face said that he was not happy. He put two thumbs over the screen, the fingers dancing on it. Looking from behind, I knew he was writing a message, deleting, writing again, and deleting again. It seemed like he didn’t find the right thing to write, so he frantically pressed an icon which brought him to his home screen.

I took a peek on the screen. From his behind, the view was very clear.

It was a picture of –what I guessed- the younger version of him and another man. Their cheeks glued together and they were grinning widely, as if the happiness in the world just existed between both of them. I smiled at his crooked teeth that were shown in the picture. I knew I was behaving like a pervert, crazy man, but I couldn’t help myself.

 

***

 

_“Seunghyun, I am sorry. I can’t continue this,” he said nonchalantly._

_We were in a café that we often came to. It was near the building where I worked at. It was a lunch time on Thursday. Considering that he lived and worked quite far from the area, thus taking time to reach the café, it was a very unusual time for us to meet. When he phoned me and he said that we have to talk, it was the beginning of my uneasy feeling. I really had to muster my courage to drag my feet to the café. Then he said that he was sorry?_

_“Why, Ri?” I looked at his eyes, demanding an explanation from him._

_“I love Youngbae.”_

_I froze in my place, but my eyes still looking at him. “Love? What do you mean?”_

_“I just realize that I love Youngbae more than you, Seunghyun.”_

_“I—” I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t find the appropriate sentences to express my feeling. So many words in my head, so many things to say, but they got stuck in my throat. It was too much. “I couldn’t believe what I heard, Seungri. I heard you wrong, right? I must have heard you wrong.” I shook my head in disbelief._

_“You didn’t, Seunghyun. I said I love Youngbae and we should stop this. I can’t do this when Youngbae showers me with unconditional love while I’m having an affair with you,” he moved restless in his seat, biting his lower lips while avoiding my gaze._

_“But you promised me you would divorce Youngbae and live with me?” I gritted my teeth and fisted my fingers so hard. But I felt pain. It was real. The break up was real._

_“I know I am a jerk, Seunghyun.”_

 

I sighed at the sudden burst of memories. I hated the falling snow around me and you –us. It would always remind me with the heartbreaking moment, remind me of Seungri. I stared off into the distance and put my hands into my coat, not knowing what I should do.

 

 

_“Seunghyun…” He called me weakly._

_I turned my face to look at him, trying to find a slight lie. A slight lie to glue my heart that was already smashed into smithereens. Despite my effort, I only saw an unsaid plea, that was to leave me. What should I do? Listening to his words was like thousand needles stabbed my chest at the same time; it’s painful, but I was still alive. I closed my eyes and raised my fist up in the air._

_THUD_ _!_

_I hit his stomach as hard as I could, turning my back on him and walked away. I closed my ears at him screaming my name._

_Fuck you._

 

***

 

I really hated winter and snow since that heartbreaking moment. I knew I was wrong. He couldn’t sit onto two chairs at the same time, so he had to choose chair. Finally, at the end, it wasn’t my chair that he chose to sit at.

Every winter, I would escape to a tropical country and stayed there for a while until I couldn’t see any traces of snow. It had almost been my third winter escapades until this time. This year I had to attend important meetings and unfortunately, it was not a thing I could send a delegate away as my replacement.

Unfortunately, the meeting room was almost surrounded by window and I could see the snow falling. I couldn’t count how many times I had to go back and forth between loosening up my tie and tightening it because I couldn’t stand the air that suffocated me. I tried to be professional, but I couldn’t fight the memories and the trauma. After the agonizing three hours, the lady luck still not bestowing her lucky wand to me. The assigned chauffeur suddenly had a flu and I had to take a bus to go home.

During the walk to the bus stop, I brushed off the falling snowflakes like a mad man. The people in the pedestrian were looking at me, but I didn’t give a damn about it. I hated snowflakes and the memories of him.

If only the snow could bury the memories as it piled up.

If only _._

If I could erase the memories of him, would I be happy?

***

 

Slowly but sure, the people were crowding at the bus stop. I looked at my watch to read the time. Ah, I forgot Fiery Friday, the beginning of the weekend and it was usual for the people to crowd at the bus stop. Their destination would be home or out to see their friends.

After ten minutes standing amidst the cold evening, a bus finally arrived. I searched for the bus number –it’s not the one I was expecting. I sighed. Realizing that he also was still standing beside me, I stole a look at his phone screen again; he was still staring at it, almost without blinking his small eyes. He pressed the envelope icon again and then wrote something. I glanced at the receiver's name.

 

 _Yongie_ , with some hearts after the name.

 

Despite the long message he had written, he erased it again and again, and he shook his head. The same like before, he pressed the home button and looked at their picture again. I moved to stand beside him and mustered all my bravery and said something to him.

“He’s cute.”

“Riiiighhhhttt?” He suddenly turned his face to me and smiled widely. Then he realized that I was a stranger for him and covered his mouth and bowed. “Sorry. I was just—”

“It’s okay.” I cut him and smiled. “I was the one who took a glance at your phone. I should be sorry. I am sorry.”

"It's fine by me." He looked at me and scratched his head. “I was just, too excited...” He let out a weak sigh and took a final look at his phone.

I didn’t know where I mustered all my strength, but when my mouth moved, all I was saying was the shameless sentences. “Do I want to know? If you don’t mind I’m prying, though.”

I smiled to him. Hoping he wouldn’t mind the intrusion to his privacy.

He looked at my eyes, then took a deep breath. “I guess there’s no harm about talking this to a stranger.”

I reached out my right hand. “I’m Seunghyun, by the way.”

He raised his eyebrows, hesitantly answered my hand. “Daesung.”

“Now we know each other and I guess there’s a slight harm when you talk your secret to me, Daesung-ssi.” I grinned widely at my silly attempt to talk to him.

“Well,” he shrugged his shoulder and replied my grin with a warm smile. “What could you do, anyway?” A slight of mock was surely mixed into his voice, as if he was testing my empty threat.

“Track your phone, maybe? I might be one of a secret agent that are spreading out in this country.”

“With that suit,” his fore finger move up and down my suit, “Yes. You could be one of them. A very silly one, I might add,” he scoffed and rolled his eyes funnily.

I laughed. “So?”

“Well, long story short, I am in love with the cute guy you saw on my phone but I am not sure if he feels the same. Now I am hesitate to choose between calling him, meeting him, or sending him message to let him know about my feelings. I don’t want to be hurt. I’m afraid if this is just an unrequited love.”

“Wow, short indeed,” I bobbed my head at the explanation.

“You don’t have to know the details,” he sighed again, eyes became droopy like a puppy whose master didn’t want to play with it. It was very familiar, and I had to suppress the weird feeling in my stomach.

“I am sure I want to know.”

“We just started this conversation not too long ago, Seunghyun-ssi.” He huffed a laugh. “But I appreciate your time. It’s strange, though. I never been so open with a stranger before.”

“We’re not strangers, Daesung-ssi. We know each other’s name.”

His lips tugged up into a smile again, showing his crescent-moon eyes and I was one hundred percent sure that my heart skipped a beat.

“So, any comment?” he asked after finishing his amusement at my silly attempt to entertain him.

“I don’t know. You know your heart. What does it say?”

He looked at his phone for a while, then he smiled. “I think I know what I have to do. Oh my! That’s my bus.” He pointed to the upcoming bus.

All of a sudden, my phone vibrated. I got a call –it’s from one of the important clients I met at the meeting. I saw Daesung got on the bus and he was waving at me. I looked at the blinking screen of my phone.

 _Shit._ I haven’t asked his numbers. I didn’t asked his full name. I only could watch the bus disappeared at the corner.

 

My phone was still ringing.

 

The snow was still falling.


	2. Chapter 2

“Sir, you have appointment at 10 o’clock with Mr. Goldwin. He actually will be received by Ms. Gong Minji but then he refused. He insisted that he wanted to meet you personally. Then…”

Resting my back to the chair, I knocked my fingers on my table until it produced steady beats. It helped me to clear my mind before I continued what I was doing before. I closed my eyes, slightly moving my head in accordance to the beats.

“And… Sir? Are you still with me? Sir?” The unique voice calling me, but I only smirked at the owner without opening my eyes. But then, I stopped my movements and reached out a ballpoint that was placed near the bundles of documents in front of me.

“Where should I sign?” I looked at my secretary. She knitted her eyebrows upon hearing my question. Fixing her blazer first, she then came towards my desk. I rested my elbow on the desk and played with the ballpoint. Then—

_SMACK!_

A loud voice was made. I winched upon the sudden attack. I rubbed my head where something hit me. It was very, very painful. I bit my lower lip and looking to my secretary annoyingly. “YAAAAA!!” I stood up and screamed at her.

“YAAAAA????” She screamed even louder and threw the agenda she used to hit me on my table. Then she put her hands on her hips and sent me a death glare. “HOW DARE YOU ‘YA-YA’ ME?” Her red hair giving a terrifying witch aura. Her big eyes became even bigger as she cocked her chin up, as if she wanted to challenge me.

I chickened out, so I grabbed her agenda and opened it, hoping that she knew that I have intention to work. “Where do I have to sign?”

“YAAA! CHOI SEUNGHYUUUUNN!! OH GOD SAVE ME!” She covered her delicate palms to her own face, sighing heavily at, I guessed, my behavior.

I gave her sheepishly grin. If she came here, she must have something for me to sign and—

Oh fuck my life.

I covered my face with my palm, mimicking what she was doing.

It was her agenda, not mine. It was the time for her to recite my schedule for today and it was not the time for some paper-signing. She didn’t bring a map with her!

“Noona sorry. I’m so sorry, Noona. I really am.” I forced a smile to her, a guilty smile. Adding some honorific –calling her noona- and not calling her as ‘miss’ might ease her anger, I thought. Giving my best puppy eyes to her, I rubbed my hands together to express my sorry.

She massaged her temple and took a deep breath. “Seunghyun-ah. Please let me do my job well. I really don’t want to disappoint your mother. She personally appointed me to this job, and please. I beg you not to ruin this.”

“I know, Noona. I’m sorry.”

She crossed her arms on her chest, not believing that I was surrendering so quickly. She moved closer and her eyes gawking at me. “What happened to you lately, Seunghyun-ah? You seem so distant lately. Is there something bother you?”

“Nothing, Noona. I’m fine,” I shook my head, hoping she didn’t ask more questions.

“If you say so, then focus!” She clapped her hands together in front of my face, snapping me back to reality. “You only have one hour left to check the papers from yesterday before meeting Mr. Goldwin at 10.”

“Mr. Goldwin? What does he want?”

“I don’t know. As I said earlier, Minji was supposedly the one to meet him.”

“Fuck that old man,” I hissed as I remembered the previous contract with him, “His wants are hard to meet!”

“I know. If the meeting is going well, you will finish the meeting at 11. But if he has other plan…” She opened her agenda and said, “I put your next schedule at 12. Should I buy you some lunch? Because you’ll meet someone from the labor union to talk about the rumor about the employee termination at 1…”

“Who the fuck started that rumor?” I raised my voice, but she didn’t move an inch.

“We haven’t known about that yet.” She shook her head while shrugging her shoulder. “I think they just need assurance from you.”

“Okay. I’ll do that. And please call Mr. Lee from Human Resources for me. I want him to give me a report about our employee at Daegu warehouse. Could I meet him today?”

She turned the page of her agenda. “I don’t think so. Is this an important task to do or…”

“No, this isn’t an important task but he has to prepare the report anyway. Maybe saying that he has deadline until tomorrow will do,” I nodded my head, trying to squeeze all information I heard from my secretary into my head. “Anything else?”

“You have an appointment with an art gallery in Jung-gu, at 3. Peaceminusone Art Gallery. Their representation wants to talk to you about…” She coughed to clear her throat, “funding.”

“Funding? Really? What kind of art gallery asking some fund from us?”

“But it’s a very artistic gallery. You’ll love that, Seung- I mean, Sir.”

I laughed at the slipped word, “Ei, Bom Noona. Please stop with the ‘Sir’ thing. My ears are itchy to hear that. Just call me Seunghyun.”

“Still—”

“No Noona,” I cut whatever she wanted to say and smiling.  “It’s Seunghyun for you. Only for you, though.” I winked at her and she blushed. “And after visiting that gallery, could I go home?”

“Wait,” she trailed her own agenda, maybe to find anything she might miss. “The visit might take a long time since you have to observe all the things. You don’t want to act reckless since this is related to money,” the corner of her lips lifted up and she closed her agenda. “But I will put your meeting with Mr. Lee at the very beginning of your day tomorrow. Is that okay?”

“No probs.” I raised my hands. “I trust you.”

“Fine then Mr. Choi Seunghyun. Just call me if you need something else,” She bowed to me.

I bowed to her, too. “ _Ye, ye,_ Ms. Park Bom. Enjoy your day.”

She waved at me and smiled. “You too, Seunghyun-ah.”

I threw my back on the backrest of my comfy chair and looked outside the window. The snow fell from the sky. It was quite a sight as the white thing reminded me of shaved ice cream I usually ate when I was a child. I remembered asking my mother about scooping some snow and putting syrup on top of it to enjoy. The sweet memory made me smile.

I stood up and made my way to the window to enjoy the view from my office.

Falling snow.

Falling snow would just remind me of you. Sweet fragrance, enchanting smile, lulling husky voice that I wanted to hear and hear more.

Who were you, Mr. Snow Angel?

And why did I feel like this?

The curiosity was killing me, Mr. Snow Angel.

I smiled to my reflection on the window because I could imagine the brunette Snow Angel was behind me. He was spreading his wings while he put his hands, embracing me from behind. I reached out my hand to the window, hoping to reach the Snow Angel.

But his reflection slowly faded.

I was left here.

Alone again.

***

 

I didn’t know how many times I had been here at the same bus stop, only to pray that I would catch a glimpse of that man again. It was only four bus stops from my office, but still, it took time to get at the same bus stop almost every day and almost at different time. The next day after that fateful meeting –I couldn’t help but to say it like that- I immediately went to search for him. Waiting at the bus stop, hoping that he would be there. But he wasn’t there. I did the same thing for the next four days, but still there was no sign of him. I tried to change my “visit” to the bus stop in the afternoon, hoping that he would stop there, but to no avail. I even asked my chauffeur to drop me at the bus stop in the morning before going to work that just earned med a pair of confused eyes from him, but there was nothing could stop Choi Seunghyun if he made a choice.

And without me realizing, it had been a little bit more than one month since I met him.

Was I obsessed with him?

 

 

 

I looked outside the window. The car would bring me to the last appointment I had for today: visiting Peaceminusone Art Gallery. I wasn’t sure about funding the art gallery, because my company was only a furniture company. Why would a gallery want my company to sponsor them for an exhibition?

By the time I arrived at the gallery, it was dark from the outside. I tried to open the door and it was unlocked. The bell from the other side of the door rang as I moved the door and I heard footsteps from the inside

“Ah, hello. We’re not open today. I’m sorry. It seems like I forgot to put closed sign…” He bowed to me, saying an apology to me. “Please come at the other time.”

I slightly bowed to him, too, but out of courtesy. “Oh, I just want to meet Mr. Lee Seunghyun. I’m from Saisho Furniture, Choi Seunghyun.”

“Ah! Shit!” After cursing, he immediately covered his mouth with his backhand. “Oh my God. Sorry Mr. Choi. I didn’t mean to curse at you. Sorry! Would you just give me a moment?” he raised his hands, his eyes looking at me, asking for an agreement. I gestured with my eyes that I didn’t mind it. He ran back to somewhere, but before long, he was back.

He bowed to me again. “Forgive me Mr. Choi. It supposed to be Mr. Lee who will meet you, but…” he reached out his hand. “I’m Kwon Jiyong, the owner and the artist of this gallery. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too.” I shook his unbelievably fragile hand.

“Please come to my office, Mr. Choi. This way,” his hand pointed politely at the couch just some steps away from us but I politely refused.

“I’m sorry to bother you, Mr. Kwon. I think I’d like to look around the paintings while we’re talking. Do you mind if I—”

“No, no, no.” He frantically waving his hands. “I’m happy if you want to take a look.”

I began to walk to one painting. Seeing I took an interest at his work, Mr. Kwon started to explain the paintings.

“That is called ‘Then I Meet You’, Mr. Choi.”

“Would you care to explain the meaning behind this painting?”

“The white canvas, and the seemingly endless black line pictured how hard was the way for someone meeting his or her soulmate, but then, if they are meant to be, they eventually meet at the end.”

I looked closely at the painting. “And I don’t see the end of the line or the meeting point of the line.”

“That’s the purpose, Mr. Choi. If you just look at it like that, you won’t get where the lines meet. Other people may not see where or when two souls met, and what the story lies behind their meeting was, but if you take a closer look...” He pointed at the center of the painting, “Two hearts and two souls, finding their way to meet each other.”

I squinted my eyes and saw slightly bolder lines at the center of the painting. I smiled.

“Do you see any other picture in this painting, Mr. Choi?” The man before me asking a question that triggering my curiosity.

I tilted my head, alternately closing one eye, just to find nothing. I shook my head as the sign of surrendering.

“Hands and heart,” he trailed the lines that turned out to be a picture of hands and heart.

I clapped my hands at the thing that become very clear as he explained to me, “Bravo, Mr. Kwon. The act of giving and receiving hearts. Am I right?”

“I’m impressed Mr. Choi.” He smiled to me.

I took a moment to praise the painting and then walked to another one. I cleared my throat before asking the important question. “So Mr. Kwon… What is your intention to ask for a funding for your exhibition?”

“To be honest, Mr. Choi, I really don’t know what to say,” he scratched his head and I just rolled my eyes in disbelief. “I have been briefed by my assistant, who obviously know more of this kind of thing, but then I can’t remember the terms he used. I’m really sorry. I will try my best to explain what we’re going to do and why we asked you as our sponsor.”

“Well then, go on,” I gave a nod at him.

“I actually imagined your furniture in this gallery,” Mr. Kwon opened his arms wide, showing his gallery at me. “I arranged my paintings into themes, according to the season, actually. From this point and until ten paintings over there, the theme was spring. That is why the paintings are more colorful than the ones we passed through before.” He stopped to point the paintings behind us, including the ‘Then I Met You’, “Those paintings do not have a theme and I do not plan it to be in the exhibition. For the spring-themed paintings, you could put your furniture that suits for the spring and I will also make sure that there will not be an overlapping aura. The paintings and furniture have to unite in a way that the visitor would buy them as one. Something like that, I guess.”

I nodded at his explanation. “I get your point, but I don’t see more advantages for our company, actually. Without the helping of your gallery, Mr. Kwon, our company could sell more. That’s the fact. No hard feelings. So what if I support this exhibition?”

“None taken,” he said. But then he bit his lower lips. “I—” he shook his head. “I’m supposed to deliver this better but…” He sighed. “I really fall in love with your furniture that I imagined it would be the perfect match for my paintings, Mr. Choi.”

I walked in front of Mr. Kwon who was lowering his head, his eyes nailed to the ground. I asked myself: was I too hard to him? However, business is business. I couldn’t give the money just like that if I didn’t get any _—_

The conversation in my head was cut as I passed by one room, but eventually go back to there. That room was closed but I could see an enormous painting from its glass door. I stopped to look closely at the face through the glass door. It was a painting of a man that was smiling. His eyes formed two crescents and he flashed his canine teeth.

I thought my heart skipped a beat. I observed the painting as I held my own breath.

Behind him was a pair of wings. Even though the hair color was different, I knew very well that face.

“My angel. My snow angel.” I murmured.

“Actually it is called ‘Smiling Angel’, Mr. Choi.” Mr. Kwon’s voice shocked me.

I grabbed his shoulder and shook it frantically. “Who is that person, Mr. Kwon? Tell me! I need to know him!”

At first, his eyebrows knitted together, confused at what was happening with me. Then as if he had a revelation, he smirked. “How about you agree to cooperate with me first and I will tell you who he is.”

I closed my eyes and tried to control my breath. “Mr. Kwon Jiyong, if you tell me who he is, I would like to give you the money from my own pocket, and you don’t need to worry about my furniture being in this gallery. I would be glad, no, my company would be happy to cooperate with you. Whatever you want, please tell me.”

He chuckled. “Are you sure? Could we just signed the agreement after this?”

“You have my word, Mr. Kwon Jiyong.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it originally had three chapters, but I added some, words. Heck, this is one of my earlier works, so I kind of fixed it :) It was one chapter longer! Yeay? :3

“Would you open the door for me, Mr. Kwon?” I said while glancing the glass door.

It was clear that he stopped his movement for a while. He copied my movement, glancing at the glass door, but his eyes quavering. His hand were on the door knob, but his stance emitted a hesitation. Like he didn’t want to open the door. However, the loud clank said the opposite.

It’s him. Finally.

“Please, come in,” the artist said.

The first thing I did as my feet stepped in the room was to sink into the sight. The room was full of the ‘Smiling Angel’ portrait paintings, as if this was a room built for praising him. The paintings were arranged by year, as I could read from the caption under the pantings.

There were two things that had matured as the number of the year increased: the face of the model and the technique Mr. Kwon Jiyong used. He experimented a lot. Some paintings were made with watercolor and the other were acrylic and oil. Starting from my left was the one he painted in the early year, earliest even, since it was captioned as ‘Eighth’. It was a simple portrait with tidy coloring but messy technique. However, the artist could still catch the points of the model: his crooked teeth and small eyes.

The warmth seeping into my chest.

“How old when you make this, Mr. Kwon?” I asked without turning my head off of the painting.

“Nine years old,” he replied shortly.

As, I walked throughout the paintings, there was some kind of familiarity with the face that I couldn’t understand. Almost all the paintings were of the angel smiling in different angles, but it seemed funny. Like, in my imagination, the angels wasn’t supposed to smile.

But why?

I moved to see the biggest painting that consumed almost one third of the wall in the room –the one that caught my eyes earlier. Different with the other paintings in the room, the Smiling Angel had a blonde hair, with the yellowish color as undertone. Mr. Kwon opted for black as the color for the background, but putting dots of colorful opaque colors that worked as lighting. Despite the colorful dots, the model still stood out with his toothy smile.

Skipping the other paintings, I moved to the last one in the room. The sad smiling. Unlike the other smiling paintings, the angel curled up his lips in a way that it was forced. I read the caption.

_Thirtieth._

“Is there more paintings, or…?” I hesitantly talked to the artist again.

The artist looked at me for a moment. Despite his body facing me, his eyes then shifted to the floor. “There is one more painting called ‘thirty third’, Mr. Choi. But I couldn’t finish it because he ran away.”

“Ran away?” I gasped.

“Yeah.”

I pretended to understand what he just said. Since the artist still had his sight on the floor, I turned to see the biggest painting. “So… May I know his name?”

“I—” My eyes were set back at the artist when he didn’t continue the words. He looked back at me, staring at me with a mixed of strange emotions I couldn’t understand. “—I don’t understand why I should give that to you. Like, one time we were discussing agreement to cooperate with my exhibition and here we are, in this private room, if I could say, with you asking about the identity of my model.”

My mouth was opened, ready to say something but my brain just went haywire. ‘Why?’ I asked for myself.

“Why, Mr. Choi?”

“I want to get to know him more, Mr. Kwon,” the voice barely came out from why throat. “Don’t ask the reason why because I don’t know what this feeling is. I’m just… Curious.”

“Not a strong reason to give you his information Mr. Choi.”

“And you’re not in a position to bargain, Mr. Kwon.”

Without giving more remarks, he moved towards the biggest painting in the room.

“Are you going to include this room for exhibition?” I asked the artist.

He shook his head. “No. This room is special and I never thought about presenting this room to anybody. Well, but you’re here.” He traced the small board under the painting –which written the information about the painting- and smiled. “His name is Daesung, Kang Daesung.”

I just realized that he was wearing a white long robe, but it was stained with paint everywhere. I waited for more explanation from him.

“If I could say, he was my first model when I tried to paint. A model and a good doctor,” Mr. Kwon let out a dry chuckle. “He is an angel.”

“Would you please give me his contact?” I realized that I pushed my luck hard, but I couldn’t help but to imagine myself as the reason he smiled that bright.

Apparently I was so sick. Obsessed over a person without a firm ground to start with.

Mr. Kwon glared at me after I blurted out the sentence. “I sense something bad, Mr. Choi, and I don’t believe you.”

“I’m a good person, Mr. Kwon. Believe me. I know this is an absurd thing,” my heart clenched in a way that it constricted my ability to breathe, “but I can assure you I mean no harm for that person. As an artist yourself I know you understand that sometimes the words do no fair judgment for the feelings. Thus, you paint. As for me, I can only proof it with my action. You have my word.”

He seemed to take my words. Then, he took out something from his pocket and gave it to me. It was a crumpled paper and I took it from his hand. “This is the last phone number he used. I don’t know whether he’s still using that or not. That brat always goes abroad and it is hard to catch him. I wonder why he acts like that.”

I read the number carefully. “How about his email?”

“Actually, I’m not giving you that information, Mr. Choi, because he told me that his e-mail was only for his closest friends, and you’re not the one.”

“Alright. How could I meet him?”

“Oh, he’s a ghost, Mr. Choi. He would appear and disappear whenever he likes.”

“A fish that is hard to catch, huh?” I snickered.

“He’s not a fish,” The artist snorted. “He’s an angel. Maybe you should do good deeds, Mr. Choi. That way you could attract an angel to come to you.”

I huffed a laugh upon hearing Mr. Kwon’s sentence. “Attract an angel. I will keep that in my mind.”

I observed the paper before putting it in my wallet. I made a mental note to put the number on my phone as soon as possible.

“So, how about the agreement?” he said after a moment of silence.

“Okay, I could do that. I think you have to come to my office tomorrow to speak further about this, Mr. Kwon.”

“Thank you so much, Mr. Choi. Ah, this is my name card.” He give me his name card with two hands and I took a look at the name card. Kwon Jiyong. Why did that name ring a bell? “And good luck with Daesung-ie.”

I smiled to him. “Thank you to you, too, Mr. Kwon Jiyong.”

 ***

 

 

“Samchooooonnn. Samchon, Samchon, Samchooooon!!! Play with me, play with mee…” Yeonjun climbed and sat on my lap. I hugged him from behind and sniffed his baby scent. My heart grew bigger at the sweet scent the baby emanated.

“What do you want to play, Yeonjun-ah?”

“I want to play outside, but Mommy doesn’t let me,” he turned his head and looked at me. He fiddled with my sweater, lips pouty at the thought of not able to play with the white snow.

“It’s snowing outside, Yeonjun-ah… You’ll get cold.”

“But  _Samchuun,_  you know that my friend said that there would be a snow angel when it’s snowing. I want to meet the snow angel and ask the snow angel to make a loooooottt of snow!” He’s widening his arms, gesturing how much snow he wanted.

“Mommy said no. Samchon doesn’t want to get scolded by your Mom, okay?”

“Ah. I hate you, Samchon. You never plays snow with me, you know!” Yeonjun jumped from my lap and stuck out his tongue to me. “I want to play with Grampa.” He ran to my father’s work room, his butt was swaying here and there because of his diaper. I shook my head at the sight and smiled. Yeonjun was getting bigger and bigger every day. Seeing him growing was the best time of my life. Being the youngest and the only son in the patriarchy culture had its own perks; I grew up with much love from my parents and my older sister, I was pampered, and always got what I wanted, but then my parents and my noona still had authority over me.

I was given much love –I was very thankful of that- but I also needed to share my love to somebody.

Then Yeonjun came to earth.

The little hands, fragile body, small nose and cute red lips… He’s a little angel. If his parents pampered him, I was the one who gave him more –I spoiled him. Whenever I ran away to other country, I would always come back with mountain of presents for him. The one who could stop me was only his mother. But still, Yeonjun was like my… Everything.

I heard Yeonjun’s scream and laughter from the backyard. My father seemed to allow him to play with the snow. The laughter tempted me to join them.

**_There would be a snow angel when it’s snow._ **

All of a sudden, Yeonjun’s voice rand in my head and I remembered my own snow angel; I hadn’t contacted him yet. I ran to my room and took out two small paper Mr. Kwon gave to me. First was his name card, and the second was Kang Daesung’s phone number.

Kang Daesung.

I stared at my phone. How should I contact him? Should I text or call? If I texted him, what should I say? If I called him, how should I introduce myself?

I didn’t know what to do. The little voice in my head became frustrated. To shut the voice up, I input the number on my phone and pressed the dial icon. Just one dial tone and…

“Hello _._ ” Said the voice on the other line.

My heart skipped a beat upon hearing the tenor voice. “Hel—”

_“This is Kang Daesung. If you hear this message, that means I am outside South Korea. Please leave your message after beep, or text me if it’s urgent. I will reach you as soon as possible. Thank you.”_

 

Voice mail.

I took a deep breath and stared at the ceiling of my room.

Why was it so hard just to get to know you?

 

I played with both papers and then looked at the name card. It had a simple design, yet it caught people’s eyes –at least mine. Peaceminusone Art Gallery, Kwon Jiyong.

 _Yongie_.

 

I jumped out from my bed. So that was why ‘Kwon Jiyong’ did ring a bell. It was the man that Daesung was growing up with. Did he confessed to Kwon Jiyong that night? If he did confessed and Kwon Jiyong accepted him, he wouldn’t go anywhere and stayed by Kwon Jiyong’s side, would he?

 

**_There’s one called ‘33rd, Mr. Choi. But I couldn’t finish it because he ran away._ **

**_I don’t want to expose his identity to stranger, actually. Because he’s my precious friend._ **

 

Run away. Friend.

When I remembered the scene at the art gallery, I smiled.

I still have a chance.


	4. Chapter 4

I couldn’t reach him; Kang Daesung.

It had been months since I tried to call him. Even the season had changed, I still got nothing from him. Maybe it was the Lady Luck didn’t want to bestow her precious lucky wand to me, because Jiyong (yeah, after some bickering and pestering him for months, I got to call him Jiyong) said that Daesung answered his phone and replied to his texts, even went to Jiyong’s gallery before he went abroad again –that time to Japan to enjoy the Sakura Trees. Jiyong asked whether I called Daesung or not, and I said I never called him aside the one when I got his number. I said that I only texted him. My answer earned a sigh and a jab on my stomach. I was so sure that Jiyong would throw me a bucket of paint because of my foolishness, but luckily, he didn't.

I begged Jiyong to give me Kang Daesung’s e-mail but he insisted that he would never give his e-mail address to me because he believed that I would pester Daesung. Jiyong still questioned my intention, though. He kept asking me why I was so obsessed with his childhood friend, but I wasn’t able to find any good reason to give. Maybe at first my intention to know him was out of curiosity, since that time at the bus stop. Then it became ridiculous:

What if he’s my soulmate?

At least I tried to search my soulmate. Maybe he was the one, because I knew it wasn’t Seungri.

 

I blew more air from my nose.  _Hmph!_  I even didn’t know Seungri’s full name, what he did for living or where he worked. Funny, but that was the reality. I knew he was married, but then I was in love with him that I thought that he would divorce his husband. However, the next thing I knew I was dumped. Seungri chose his husband over me.

Then my winter escapades began, to cover the wound in my heart.

I realized that I was such a fool, trusting a person who never gave his name, never reveal his identity until the end of our relationship.

Fool Choi Seunghyun.

***

 

Looking at the bright summer sky from the couch of my office, I wondered where Kang Daesung was. The season changed once again, I still sent messages for him, but I didn’t get any reply from Daesung. I tried to look for any information about him; the one I had was that Kang Daesung was a pediatrician at Seoul University Hospital. He didn’t have any social media and it was frustrating. How could he live in this technology era without social media? Well, but apparently he could _._

At least I knew that he loved kids.

 

That was when I started imagining things with him. I wondered if it would be great because he also loved children. I could have a big family with him. Maybe two daughters and one son? Or maybe one daughter and one son if he thought that it was too much. I giggled on my own thought, but then immediately slapped myself mentally.

‘Too much, Seunghyun, you even never had any conversation with Daesung anyway,’ the little voice in my head snickered at me.

The one that kept me alive was the thought that I knew he received and read my text. Jiyong told me that Daesung said there were texts from the stranger and he was suspecting Jiyong; Daesung believed that Jiyong was the one who sent the text. Of course Jiyong knew that I was the one who sent Daesung texts, but Jiyong didn’t tell Daesung that fact.

Sometimes, I would send him quotes or encouraging texts. On the other times, I would just pester him with the text about my day; finger crossed, I hope he wouldn’t mind. Texting Daesung, even without a single reply, became a habit I developed through the changed season.

Silly, huh?

***

 

 

I promised myself that if until autumn and I still didn’t get a reply from Daesung, I had to stop from this obsession. Maybe I had to move on and forgot him. Maybe I had to put Daesung at the same corner with Seungri; a corner in my head where the things that were supposed to be forgotten were, but I just couldn’t forget because my fucking brain worked so well. The only thing I could do was to put those memories on the corner, while hoping that I could have partial amnesia.

But then autumn came and I still was empty-handed.

The leaves were falling to the ground, so was my heart. It was broken, pieces scattered on the ground like the leaves. Fortunately, I still have Yeonjun. I decided to play with him at the nearest park from Noona’s house. Technically, I kidnapped him –his mother didn’t know that I brought him to the park. I needed to hear Yeonjun’s laughter to glue this broken heart. Looking at the fallen leaves, I held his tiny hand and started to talk to him.

“Yeonjun-ah, do you think there will be a snow angel this autumn?”

“Samchon you fool. It’s the leaves that fall, not snow. How will the snow angel come when it’s autumn?” his bushy eyebrows knitted together and he looked at me like I was spluttering the silly thing he had ever heard. I laughed at his reaction.

“I guess you’re right, Yeonjun-ah. Samchon is a fool.” I picked him up and slightly throw him in the air. “You’re smart, Yeonjun-ah.”

He giggled, showing a crescent eye smile. Just like my snow angel. “Samchon let me go. I want to play.” Yeonjun then ran away from me. He ran here and there, laughing like crazy while I tailed him with my eyes. Noona would be mad at me if she found Yeonjun at park. It was the time when Yeonjun would have his snack, but instead I brought him here.

Then Yeonjun slipped because of the leaves. He was crying. I saw a man, immediately getting up from the bench and helping Yeonjun to stand up. He squatted in front of Yeonjun, hugged him, patted him and brushed off the falling leaves from his body. That man smiled to him.

My heat skipped a beat.

I knew that man. My Snow Angel.

My Snow Angel came when it’s autumn.

 

My breath hitched and my heart was clenching in an uncomfortable way. I couldn’t believe what I saw, but his face was engraved in my head. Gathering the energy left in my body, I walked towards Yeonjun and him and stood in front of them.

He craned his head and looked at me.

My Snow Angel was looking at me.

 

Wearing a brick red knitted sweater, that failed to hide his built body. He was just strangely giving me a warm feeling. Maybe he realized that the kid came with me. He looked at Yeonjun, made sure than he was okay, then he smiled to Yeonjun. Yeonjun stopped crying and my Snow Angel gave him last hug.

“Are you okay, Kid?” He put his hands on Yeonjun’s shoulders, brushing away the remaining leaves.

I caressed my chest, hoping that it wouldn't jump from my ribcage. I looked at him and he looked back at me; then he smiled at me. With a longing stare, a weak voice slipped through my tongue.

“I’m not okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment, kudos or bookmark? :3


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